My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
