I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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