dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
