Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize