youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
