Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
