that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
