Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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