they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
