Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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