He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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