True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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