im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
