why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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