nut hugger
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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