belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
