i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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