I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
