I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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