best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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