He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They took my balls.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
