I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
