me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
