at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
