I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
