Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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