Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
