We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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