Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I yelled at your uterus for you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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