Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
