We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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