I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm passing your future prison.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Pooping to opera.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
