so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize