There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
