direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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