the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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