Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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