You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
