did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize