hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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