Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
