the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And then he peed in my hair
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