There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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