there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
