it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
