he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
