My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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