its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
