you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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