I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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