Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
