Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
