Your face is a jimmy john
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
