grandma shit on top of the toilet
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
