I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pants are for mortals
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
