Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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