Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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