Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
