Whod you bang
my phone needs a breathalizer
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
