Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
