TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
