Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
