it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
