I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize