You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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