He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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