No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
