so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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