Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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