My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The best revenge is premature balding
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
