he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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