so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Alive.
So much puke
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
